


Faithfully Dangerous Part One: Lost and Lovely

by blessedharlot



Series: Faithfully Dangerous [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bottom Bucky Barnes, Canon Compliant, Canon Extension, D/s dynamic, Dirty Talk, Dom Natasha Romanov, Dom/sub, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Foreplay, Happy Ending, Masturbation, Orgasm, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Phone Sex, Porn, Porn with Feelings, Romantic Friendship, Sex, Smut, Sub Bucky Barnes, Top Natasha Romanov, Trauma Recovery, friendship building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 18:56:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8068897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blessedharlot/pseuds/blessedharlot
Summary: “Is your hand down your pants yet?” she asked him.
Bucky felt his head shake back and forth in disbelief. He just couldn’t get his head wrapped around this situation, and was about to stop even trying. “Do you want it to be?”
“Excellent response! And yes.”
“Unf.” Bucky did as he was told.
-=-=-=-=-=-
A post-Civil War Bucky and Natasha have built a new friendship that they both treasure. 
But is friendship ALL that they really want? A late night phone call gets racy.





	

**Author's Note:**

> You could say this follows the Monday theme of "foreplay" for the 2016 BuckyNat Smut-A-Thon. ;-) There's more to come in the series later this week! 
> 
> Special thanks to beta reader [FrostyEmma](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostyEmma).
> 
> All series titles are taken from Over The Rhine’s song, “Faithfully Dangerous.”

The bed was irritatingly soft. No pushback, nothing to lessen the tension he felt. Nothing sturdy to hold him up. Just fluff, yielding meekly to every muscle fiber.

He sat up and ran his hands through his hair. It was time to give up on sleep for a while.

At least every hotel room had a coffee pot these days. Bucky did not mind that. It was an improvement on the way things once ran. He fixed himself some, and cranked the radiator in the room some more. The former buffered the biting cold more than the latter did. It was awfully inhospitable for a hotel room. But then, the seedy side of Reykjavik might have different parameters for hospitality than he’d grown used to these days. He was out of practice living in austerity.

This was another ordinary hotel room, on another ordinary mission. Steve was sending him on these ever since getting the worst muck out of his head. They were good for Bucky, so everyone said. Basic surveillance, basic research of this or that. Whatever was needed. Using his skills, without killing anyone.

Bucky didn’t know why, but he hated these missions.

It wasn’t that they were boring. Well, they were. But boring he could handle. He knew this grunt work had to be done, and this was as good a way as any to keep a low profile. Nat and Barton kept them stocked in the kind of documentation and electronic support that kept them off the grid.

No, he didn’t mind the work. It was familiar in a way that wasn’t horrible. That was hard to come by sometimes.

Maybe it wasn’t the missions he hated. Maybe it was something else. Something following him around, still, even after the bomb in his head had been defused. Something subtle in the air around him that settled and tightened around his hands, his chest, his neck. It was a tightness all over… like wearing shoes too small, but magnified by a thousand, and all over him. Something that made him restless, made him want to be anywhere else than where he was. It wasn’t radar or instinct; he didn’t need to run away for safety reasons. Nothing was wrong. He just… didn’t want to be here. Wherever here was. 

He flashed for a moment on his Gramma Rose, talking about Grampa Thomas’ wanderlust just pushing him out the door and down the road one day.

He padded across the thin carpet and pushed the curtain open, so he could see the street. He really liked streetlights, always did. They were comforting. Like stars scattered in the dark street. He liked that nighttime feeling in the old neighborhood, of both being alone and feeling others close by. The lights were now reminders that others slept somewhere, while he was awake. He liked the reversal now, after sleeping through so much.

He felt antsy. No action. That was part of the problem. He saw no action on these trips. Just surveillance, and gathering intel. Some days, following some big guy or another, he almost wished the gig would go wrong so he’d have an opportunity to get beaten up. Enough pain, and the tightness eased up. It would have to be somebody who could really get some licks on him… and who wouldn’t hold back. He’d tried to goad Steve and even Wanda into really going at it with him. But neither was willing to take it far enough.

Maybe he was just in his own head too much. Nat kept telling him that. Maybe a workout would help right now. Nat had suggested that a few times too.

He left the curtain open so that the lights twinkled in his peripheral vision no matter where he turned. He stretched out on the floor in his flannel pajama pants and sweatshirt and began pushups.

After he’d done about two dozen, the ceiling above the nightstand lit up with muted shades of green and red-head. His own little Christmas. Natasha’d had a few of Sam’s cocktails at that party and had insisted on using Bucky’s phone to take a picture of herself in Bucky's lap. Then somehow she got it to pop up every time she called. No matter how hard he tried to hide his more-than-friendly responses to her, Nat knew exactly how much he enjoyed seeing her in that pale green dress. And, being Nat, she had to tease him.

He pulled his knees underneath him and reached up to get the phone.

“Yeah?”

“If pastries are just sitting out on a table, they’re fair game, right?”

Bucky absorbed the sudden question. “You’re asking *me* advice about social cues?”

“I’m just saying. If the pastries have been out on a table for hours, they’re *intended* as community property, right?”

“I... guess so. I mean, why else would they be out like that?”

“Exactly.”

“Wait.” At some point in their brief conversation, Nat’s enunciation had already gotten muffled. “Are you eating a pastry right now?”

“I was hungry.”

“Ok. Next question. Is the table, with the pastries, in a public place?”

Silence.

“Or were you invited into the building? In any way?”

More silence.

“Or are you getting pastry crumbs in some guy’s air vent while waiting to take him out?”

“It’s not a crumbly kind of pastry.” She swallowed. “And I’m not taking him out. It’s not that kind of mission.”

“But you are in an air vent,” he repeated.

“Not exactly. But it is still cramped. Look, the third degree is unnecessary.”

“You’re the one presenting me with ethical quandaries! I’m just trying to get all the pertinent facts,” he said. “Never an easy job with you.”

“It’s just the one quandary. And it’s over now. And I’m bored again. I’m probably stuck here a while.”

“Always so impatient.”

Nat huffed at him with a tone that suggested she was not the only impatient person in the current conversation. He smiled.

At the sound of her voice, Bucky has lost track of his discomfort. Nat he could talk to. It was like talking to Steve. It came naturally, if he didn’t get in his own way. Those two weren’t the kind of people who exhausted Bucky, the kind who made him feel like he was on display, behind glass… distant and foreign and unrelated to the rest of the world. Those people that expected him to put them at ease. Demanding he read cues about what they really meant but didn’t say. Demanding he remember pleasantries and rules of engagement that just held no meaning anymore. Demanding he act like somebody he wasn’t.

Steve and Nat. He could be himself. Whatever spilled out of him, Steve understood. He didn’t just tolerate it. He really understood Bucky’s meaning. And he rolled with it. And Bucky could trust Steve to say what he meant. With Natalia… Nat. He could let her in too. It was just as easy. Except when it was hard. Hard and alluring and tempting… and a bad idea. They were finding their sea legs again as… as something like friends. 

Stop thinking about the green dress, Buck told himself.

“Why did you answer your phone?” she asked. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?” 

“What? Oh. Nah, I slept… I slept last night.”

“Last night?”

“Maybe night before last.”

“Uh-huh.” Nat sounded dubious about his sleeping schedule. “Have you been doing the exercises that Steve and Sam got a hold of?”

“Ohh please. Please don’t. That’s such a pile of crap.”

“It’s not.”

“Natalia. There’s honestly nothing that makes me feel more like a dip than writing down those silly little answers to those silly little questions.”

“I did some of those same exercises. Not as long as they wanted me to. Because I felt like a… like a dip myself.” He smiled at her despite himself. “But I did them. You literally have to reprogram yourself, Barnes, just like I did. Just because we got the most dangerous stuff outta that head doesn’t mean you’re treating yourself right yet.”

“Ok.”

“Don’t patronize me.”

“I’m not, I’m saying Ok, I mean it.” He listened to her elevated respiration for a second. “I’m listening to what you’re saying.”

“You should. I am 100% correct on this.”

“I’m sure you are,” he said earnestly.

Natasha sighed. “Did you watch those movies I gave you?”

“Yes,” he smiled. “I did. I really liked them.”

“Aha!” 

“What?” Bucky realized supper had worn off. “Ohh. What? Did I just become some... particular type of person?” More cues he’d miss.

“Yes, yes, you did, and I knew it all along. Nerd.”

“Ok. Hey, what happened before this movie with Kirk and Khan?”

“There was a tv show.”

“I thought that came after.”

“There was one show before, all the rest came later.”

“Man. I’ll have to squeeze some of those in between Steve’s damned Andy Griffith marathons.” Bucky found his bag near the nightstand and rummaged around in it until he found a protein bar. “They’re awful. The man still has the worst taste in entertainment ever. Tries to make me watch them. And pay attention to them.”

“I am green with envy.”

Bucky exhaled loudly. “You look so good in green,” he mused. He imagined her smiling at that. It made him happy. And then he remembered he was trying not to draw attention to how attractive he thought she was. 

“Anyway, thank you for the movies. You’re good at figuring out what I’ll like.”

“I remember having a gift for that.”

That was… that comment was about their old sex life. Wasn’t it? Yeah. Yeah, it must be. They didn’t talk about their past relationship, not openly. They certainly didn’t talk about their old sexual experiences with each other. It was one of the unspoken rules of their new friendship… a friendship he treasured. Nat flirted, of course. But she had always kept it impersonal. Not about… not about that.

Maybe she didn’t mean it that way. Bucky didn’t always read things right. He really didn’t want to push her away, even the tiniest bit, if friendship was all she wanted now. He just wanted to be in her life.

Neutral. Think of something neutral to say, Buck.

He hesitated. “What do you do with your spare time these days? Watch a lot of movies?”

“These days, most of my movies have princesses in them. Because Lila.”

“Barton’s kid.” He leaned back against the nightstand and started eating.

“Exactly. What time is not filled with princesses is filled with Krav Maga.”

“I knew it. That shit you pulled in the gym last time.” He sighed. “Fine. Go ahead and do weird shit to your form.”

“Stop. I stomped your ass.”

He chuckled. There was nothing better than talking to Nat. This was everything he wanted in his life right now. 

Except… except somehow his whole body was still rigid and numb. Those harsh sensations he couldn’t shake, they were still there. He couldn’t forget them long. Skin too small. Insides too small. Compressed. It made his head ache.

Maybe it was the cold.

“I need more coffee.”

She laughed. “That’s not gonna help you sleep.”

“No, but I’m freezing. This radiator here? Is terrible. I’m gonna wake up back in cryo at this rate.” 

“Look on the bright side. You’re an easy defrost.”

“Ouch!”

“What?”

“You’re a jerk.”

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re not wrong. You’re just a jerk.”

“Ok then.”

Bucky sighed, and looked around the room. “Ok, yeah. If you guys do end up hauling my frozen carcass out of here, just throw me in a sink of warm water. I’ll be fine.”

“Only if you say please.”

Bucky made an effort not to gasp audibly. 

He realized he needed to stop asking himself if she remembered *that night*. Of course she did. She’d spent more of her life remembering it than he had. The better question is, had she spent any sleepless nights bringing that night to mind, deliberately? Or any of their other encounters? Like he had?

Nat needled again. “Well?”

He needed to hang up.

“It’s been a rough day. I should go.”

“If it’s been a rough day you should keep talking to a friend.”

Yes. His whole body still said yes to her. Yes to anything she offered. Anything she asked. Yes. He took a breath, and let go of the big questions, and just… unclenched. And the simple lilt of her voice held the tightness at bay a while longer.

“So, your target still not in place?” he asked.

“Not yet.”

“You alone or you got a partner?”

“I work alone. Simpler that way.”

“Look. Natalia.” He’d been meaning to say something. He wasn’t sure he knew how yet. “I just want you to know that… I’m sorry for… for being a part of what pulled your team apart.” He listened for her breathing. It caught a little, but stayed fairly steady. ‘I’m just… I’m really sorry.”

There was a long pause on her end. That was a terrible apology, Bucky thought, but he had said it the best he was gonna. So he just gave her space.

When she finally spoke, she sounded sad. “Don’t be too hard on yourself about that. You met Tony Stark, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you know Steve. As much as I never wanted to admit it...” There was a long pause and she held her breath a few seconds. “... that partnership had an expiration date from the beginning.”

Bucky nodded to himself. “Yeah. I can see that.”

“We weren’t quite a team so much as a… chemical mixture.” She gave a little mirthless chuckle. “There were other instabilities too.”

“Talking about the alien? Or that doc that experimented on himself?”

“He was trying to replicate Steve’s formula. Trying to help people. His curiosity got the best of him. There are worse virtues.” She sounded a little defensive.

“Hey, I’m not knocking it. Sure as hell better than experimenting on somebody else, if you don’t know how things are gonna go down.” Bucky could respect that. “Sounds like a stand-up guy. And an idiot.” He snorted a little. “A lot like Steve.”

She was quiet. Was she sore at him now? Maybe he was too harsh.

“I didn’t mean that rudely, if that’s how it sounded.” He leaned forward and absentmindedly picked at a spot on the carpet. “Steve said you two were... a thing... for a little while. He must have been... important to you.”

“Mm,” she mused. “Turns out the mission was more important.”

“He should understand that.”

“No, he doesn’t. That’s the way he works.”

He wished he had an answer.for that. They sat in silence a few moments. She sounded… heavy with something. He wished he could lighten it. But all he could think of was humor, and it didn’t feel right.

Oh wait, he had intel. “Wanda gave you a compliment the other day, when you couldn’t hear her.”

“Hunh.”

“Yeah. She said you were the most tenacious fighter she’d ever met.”

After a pause, Bucky thought he heard a tiny chuckle too. “You know you don’t have to worry about my feelings if somebody doesn’t like me.”

“I’m just letting you know. You two have a... complicated relationship. I just thought you should know. She clearly respects you.”

“You’re sweet.”

“Whatever.”

“I know a scandalous secret about you. Deep down you’re a sweetheart trying to take care of everybody else.”

“Humph.”

“It’s true. People get all dazzled by your terrifying reputation and they don’t notice. Or they get confused by that sexy sulk. Classic cleft chin. Dangerously expressive lips.”

“Stop,” he whispered.

“Stop what?”

“Nat, I should go.”

“What’s the rush?”

Bucky was growing tired of evading her needling.

“Look. I’m still rusty on these…” Bucky searched his narrowed awareness for the phrase he wanted.

“Social cues?”

“Cues. Yeah. When you ask me that. Do you want me to be honest, or do you want me to be polite, or cute, or something else?”

“I want honesty.”

He took a deep breath, and swallowed his hesitations. Fuck it. It was Nat. “This has been a shit week. This mission is driving me crazy.” he chewed his lip and searched for more words. More accurate words. “I’ve got... something just… sitting on my bones that I just can’t shake. Something… pressing on me. And as fantastic as your voice sounds in my ear…” He took another shuddering breath as quietly as he could. “As much as I always enjoy talking to you, always, this conversation is only reminding me how tense I am. This day should just be over now. I really think it’s best that I just hang up, release a little tension and go to sleep.”

“Release tension?”

“Jack off,” he admitted. “Ok? Honesty.”

“And I appreciate that.” He trusted that she meant that. “But why would hanging up help you jack off better?”

Bucky’s heart stopped. 

The line was silent. She was… waiting. What was she waiting for? An answer?

He opened his mouth to see what would come out. “... what?”

“You heard my question.” He could hear the smile on her lips. 

Bucky took a deep breath. And another. His body had an answer to her question, certainly, but his mind was a blank.

“I can hang up and leave you to it. If that’s your preference.”

Bucky couldn’t get anything to come out of his mouth.

“Or, I could stay on the line until you come.”

“Yes.” His whisper slipped out without thought.

“Mmmmm,” she purred at his answer. “I know another secret. Should I tell you?”

“Yes. Please.”

She whispered. “I know you should follow my orders.”

Bucky groaned.

“Is your hand down your pants yet?”

Bucky felt his head shake back and forth in disbelief. He just couldn’t get his head wrapped around this situation, and was about to stop even trying. “Do you want it to be?”

“Excellent response! And yes.”

“Unf.” Bucky did as he was told. He folded his legs underneath him on the floor, and enjoyed the distinct warmth of his softer palm sliding under the drawstring of his pants. He felt his nails scrape gently against the cotton flannel, just before he wrapped those fingers around his already stiff cock.

“Mmm. Do you use your left hand or your right?”

Bucky laughed tightly. “My right!”

“Hey, don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it. I remember enjoying your left hand quite a bit.”

“Ohhhhhhh, sweet Jesus.”

“Ok. Here’s what you’re gonna do.” She sounded so… determined. He was slightly frightened and intensely aroused by it. “One stroke. Four beats.”

“What?”

“I’m going to count to four. And in that time, that right hand better start at one end of your cock and move once - and only once - to the other end.”

“Oh my God.”

“Don’t get there until four,” she commanded.

“Oh Jesus.”

“Do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Your hand doesn’t move unless I’m counting.”

“I understand,” Bucky breathed.

“Ok. Wrap your hand around the head of your cock.”

Bucky did as he was told. “Ok.”

“One.”

Bucky groaned, and just *thought* about sliding his hand a bit.

“Two.”

Bucky panted, and slowly drew his hand partway down his shaft. 

“Three.”

A little more, and Bucky arched back and focused on breathing.

“Four.”

“Mmph!” Bucky shuddered.

“Don’t you dare move your hand yet.”

“No ma’am.”

“Good. Same thing on the way back up. Got it?”

“Yes ma’am,” he breathed.

“One.” Nat’s breath brushed her phone receiver. “Two.” Bucky could almost feel her breath across his skin. “Three.” He felt warmer just listening to it. “Four.”

She took him through half a dozen more strokes, achingly slow. He closed his eyes and felt her voice echoing through him, inscribing her will on his skin.

“Keep that same rhythm. Do not stop, do not go faster.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Where are you?”

He tried to process the question. “Ma’am, what?”

“Are you on the bed?”

“I’m… unf. On the floor.”

“Ok. Why?”

“I was… doing… pushups. When you called.”

“Getting out of your head. Nice.”

He kept doing as he was told, and she got mostly quiet. He heard just the odd little tiny moan from her, as though she was eating something tasty. He could hear her only in those seconds where he got a handle on his own erratic, heavy breathing.

“Do you deserve to go any faster?”

“No, ma’am,” he whispered.

It just slipped out. He didn’t know why he said it, except that he believed it.

“Hmmm. That may be true. But I’m going to let you speed up anyway. One stroke for every number. Understood?”

“Ohhhh God. Yes ma’am.”

“One. Two. Three. Four. In case you forgot the count.”

Bucky whimpered.

“Keep that same rhythm. What are you looking at?”

“I’m… looking out the window.”

“Why?”

“... the streetlights.”

“You can see the window from the floor?”

Bucky had to put effort into answering her questions. “... on my knees.”

“Ohhhh. You on your knees is a beautiful, beautiful sight.” Natasha sighed contentedly.

Bucky kept his assigned stroking pace, but his breathing picked up considerable speed.

“Are you still doing what I told you to do?”

Bucky shook with the building pressure. “Yes, yes ma’am.”

“Good! Well then. Now you can stroke whatever speed you want. Choose carefully.”

Bucky whimpered, and picked up his speed just a bit. It took all his control not to go overboard immediately. But he didn’t want to come, not yet. Still not yet.

“Barnes. What would you do if I was there?”

“Oh Jesus Christ, Natalia, I wanna bury my face in your pussy so much it hurts.”

“Ohh, that’s good to know.”

“In my best dreams I can taste you on my lips. You slip your clothes off and I put my mouth on every inch of your body.”

“Oooh.”

“Hours. Days. I’ve got ages to make up for, between your legs. A lifetime.”

Bucky had to stop stroking or he’d come right there. He pressed down firmly at the base of his cock and just held it, trying to catch his breath. He slid his phone down against his shoulder and brought his other hand in to rest on his heart. That gentle weight on his chest, the pressure against his balls and the sweet lilt of Natalia in his ear… they were the only things that existed in the world.

“Nat, what could I do if you were here? What could I do to make you happy?”

“Wellll, your last plan there had some real merit.” 

He snickered. 

“What would make me happy,” she said, “is finding out whether you still make that same noise you used to when you’re inside me.”

“I… I didn’t know I did that. What noise do I make?”

“Oh, that information is classified.” 

He laughed out loud. 

“If they’re not yet, your strokes should definitely be coming up to circle the head of your cock.”

“Ohhhhh fuck, you’re good to me,” he shuddered.

“Damn right.”

Nat being there. Nat wanting to be there. In his ear. With his hand down his pants. Yes. He could feel all that sharp heaviness melting out of him… all the remaining tension churning through him ready to break like an ocean wave-

“Dammit. Stop what you’re doing.”

“WHAT??”

“My target’s here. Barnes, don't you dare come! WAIT. Right there.”

“Oh Jesus Christ!”

Time stopped. He held his breath. Bucky was dimly aware of Nat’s voice getting distant… of the sound of punches being thrown and body parts striking hard surfaces. He just… hung there, on the last words she said. On the verge of everything. About to burst and dissolve all at once. He struggled not to let go yet, and he thought he heard muffled conversation. He’d wait for her there, no matter how long she was away. He’d hold on to the edge, and wait, like she told him to.

The conversation seemed to stop. There was the sound of a heavy door closing.

“It’s alright, James.” Nat’s voice was close again, and gentle, as though there’d been no interruption. “You can come now.”

He didn’t need another stroke. Her words sent the wave breaking through him. 

For a few moments he was buffeted, cradled. Then floating. Weightless. Spread across a wide expanse, his body unfurling from the touch of her voice. 

She said it was ok to let go. And he did.

Some time later, he floated back down to the floor in the hotel room, his back now against the carpet, with quite a bit of warm cum splashed across him.

“Oh,” he said. “Hi.”

“Mmmm,” Nat purred in his ear. “That was quiet.”

“Was it?”

“Yeah. You still come quiet as a mouse.”

Buck sat there, spent, loose. “I like the quiet. It feels bigger than sound.”

“You used to like it when I made sound.”

“Oh that’s very different.”

“Ah.” He could hear her smiling again when she spoke. It was the best sound in the world.

He laid there a while, just listening to her breath, to the sounds around her echoing through her phone. They shared quiet between them again.

“Natalia.”

“James.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“No I mean… thank you. For… for letting me in.”

There was a long pause. Bucky didn’t mind the quiet with her. “You’re very welcome,” she told him. “You should put yourself to bed now.”

“Yeah. You going somewhere safe now?”

“I am.”

“Text me when you get there. Please?”

“I will,” she replied. “Goodnight, Barnes.”

“Goodnight, Romanoff.”

He took off his wet clothes, wiped himself down in a daze, fell into bed, and curled up asleep with the phone in his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> This whole series has been greatly improved upon through the generous hard work of beta reader [FrostyEmma](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostyEmma).
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Expect two more stories to come in this series, with increasing levels of BDSM activity. Comments warmly welcome!


End file.
